Dauði egósins is a book in Icelandic about the need to surrender to our egos. We all reach a certain point in our lives when we start to reconsider the path we are on. In this book I explain my journey and also the powerful forces that are at work in our world and how to apply these principles.
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Team

Halldóra Sigurðardóttir

Creator
  • translator

Further Information

Death of the ego is about a special spiritual death that every person should go through in life. In the book I use academic sources to prove a certain hypothesis about a powerful force at work in our world, in addition I intertwine the narrative with stories from my own life to support my conclusion.

Dora’s storytelling is both sincere and compelling as she looks over past events in her life and reaches a striking conclusion.

This book will be published in Icelandic but it will hopefully be translated into English next year.

Help me make my dream come true and pledge to fund this project - thank you!

At work

Excerpt from the book (translated into English)

“… This incident happened many years ago when I was an au-pair in Seattle, USA, but the memory is still vivid to me. I am just over twenty and I have been there for a few months already when me and some other au-pair girls are invited to a party in one of the student dormitories at the university. When we arrive there are several Americans there and we begin to mingle. There's a guy who is about my age and we start to talk. After a very brief chat he says to me: "May I show you something?" I am very excited to have his attention and and so I say yes without hesitating. He then firmly takes my hand and leads me out of the house, out into the street where we start walking into the darkness. It all seems very strange to me. I thought he was going to show me something at the party but suddenly we’re out in the dark and I’m there with some stranger. I don't know where we are going, yet I do not dare say anything, so I follow him silently. I get a very strong urge to turn around and go back to the party, but I ignore the feeling. This must be okay, I think. I'm really afraid to say something to the boy that would make him feel bad, although the situation is very strange. He doesn't say a word to me and as we continue further away from the party fear begins to nestle in my heart. Every step I take becomes more difficult. I'm no longer sure if I can find my way back because the houses all look the same. Shyly, I ask the boy what it is he is planning to show me. He tells me that we´re almost there and then walks a bit faster. I don't say anything, but on the inside I am worried. Finally he stops in front of one house. He invites me to go inside. When he opens the front door, we walk straight into the living room where there is an open kitchen on the left. In the living room is a large sofa, its back is facing the front door. The boy offers me a seat on the couch as he walks into the kitchen. I obey and sit there silently. I'm very nervous but I try not to let it show. My heart beats so fast that I feel like it’s in my throat. I am not feeling well at all because the communication is so bizarre, and I’m wondering in desperation how I will find my way back to the party. The boy quickly returns from the kitchen and says to me, “Yes, I wanted to show you something. I have been drawing pictures.” Then he pulls a drawing pad out from underneath his jacket. I'm so relieved. I can feel myself relaxing a bit as I think to myself, okay, maybe he's alright after all. So I relax and smile at him. He walks towards me with the drawing pad and sits next to me on the sofa, but he sits very close to me and I feel that my body can't move anywhere. It’s like I’m stuck and it feels uncomfortable. He smiles at me and opens the drawing pad. I stare in total disbelief as I look at the drawing in the book. I can feel the shock piercing through my body - as if I had been electrocuted and my heart stopped beating. In front of me is the most disgusting drawing I've ever seen. The image shows a man standing behind a woman and he’s holding a knife. This is no ordinary knife, but a dagger, and it’s curved, almost like a machete. There are spikes on one side of the knife blade. In the drawing the man is cutting the woman's throat and the blood is spilling all over the page. I notice the horror on the woman's face. The boy has managed to capture her facial expression with the pencil, and he clearly put a lot of detail into his work. This is not just one image. There are more. I see when he leafs through the book that there are many drawings. He then hands me his book to allow me to take a closer look. He says something about the drawings, but I don't hear anything because I'm confused and in total shock. Where am I? In what circumstances am I? How can I get out of this? A thousand thoughts rush through my mind, and on the inside I'm totally horrified. Suddenly (and I will never forget this) I am filled with an incredible sense of security and the assurance that I should not show any fear outwardly, even though I am terrified at this moment and would just like to run away screaming. In a fraction of a second, I realize I need to gain some time and I have to pretend like nothing happened and surprise him by showing him a completely opposite reaction to what is really happening. I think he probably expects me to get up from the sofa and try to escape but he’s sitting so close to me I realize I won't get far. So instead, I start turning the pages very slowly. While I examine these horrible drawings, he sits silently next to me, awaiting my reaction. The pictures are discusting. No words can adequately describe the horror he has created on these white pages - each page with images of a man killing a woman, but in different positions and situations. The violence is just terrible. I notice that the victims are all women. Their necks are either cut open, or their bodies are pierced with holes and blood and guts are gushing from their bodies. The drawings are black and white, not poorly drawn but not done very well, either. I feel tension in the air as I glance quickly to my side and face the boy. For a second, we look intensly into each other’s eyes. I can see how carefully he is examining my face and reaction. It is as if we both know what's going on. We are like animals that face each other, anticipating a response. All of a sudden I hear myself saying out loud with a quite a cheery voice, “Yes, wow, these are great drawings! Very well done!” He hesitates, and I can momentarily see in his eyes that he is surprised by my reaction. I try to smile, but quickly glance down at the drawings because I don't want to look into his eyes anymore. I’m afraid he’ll see that I’m lying. He clearly wasn't expecting this reaction at all and his demeanor changes quickly. He starts talking fast and candidly about his drawings as I look through the pages. He is very excited, almost ecstatic, as he describes each drawing and each event. He speaks with great passion - as a man who has spent numerous hours on his artwork, precisely executing every detail of every pencil stroke. I confirm my interest by smiling and nodding. That way I continue to play my role, making sure I say "yes" in all the right places. On the surface, I appear to be as interested as him when I praise his drawing techniques, but while I am talking about the details on the faces of the dying women, but on the inside I am in complete despair. This situation is surreal, and I wait in quiet anticipation of what might happen next. He must see through me, I think. I keep turning the pages as slowly as I can, until suddenly... "

About the author

My name is Dora (Halldóra Sigurðardóttir), I work as a translator, publisher and tourist guide and I enjoy writing in my spare time. I have always been very interested in sociology and the driving foreces of man in life. When I went to university a new world opened up for me when I was reading the teachings of Max Webers, Emile Durkheim and colleagues. I realized that it´s possible to change a lot in life even if people come from difficult situations with a broken communication pattern. Over time I felt a great desire to find answers to many questions that I had and from that derived the idea of this book that I am now working on. In this book I come to an interesting conclusion that maybe not all are open to, but it needs to be said.

I ask you to reach out and finance this publication and help me make this book become a reality. With gratitude and greetings, Dora

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